Empaths & narcissists

Like moths drawn to the light, us empaths seem to be blindsided, flying head-first into dangerous friendships and soul-sucking relationships that leave us feeling exhausted, confused and unhinged. And yet, over and over again many of us fall into the same trap, often missing the vital life lessons being presented. We are left wondering….. Why me? What have I done wrong? What can I do to fix it? What can I do to fix me? How can I make it better? Why am I not good enough? Why am I ignored? Why do I feel like a disposable item?

This was me for 48 years. It is only now that I can begin to understand the role I played in the dead end dynamic between the narcissist (or individuals with narcissistic traits) and the empath. It is only now that I can honestly admit to myself how many friendships, relationships and employer - employee dynamics had me feeling this way. My twenty year marriage was not the only relationship that had me questioning and second guessing my personality and worth.

Like black holes, narcissists eat away at your emotions, physical health, and sanity, profoundly manipulating and messing up your perceptions and sensibilities. As the predator nibbles away at your soul, you slowly lose sight of the person you once were, or intended to be. But this lost soul was already lost prior to meeting the predator - this is the missing piece to the puzzle - and is the ONLY key to change. It is in finding what was always missing within, that will prevent the repetition of this magnetised doomed attraction between the giver and the taker.

Have you looked into the window of your childhood soul and asked ‘what needs weren’t met during your early years?’.

I proudly wore my empathic nature on my sleeve. I was open, honest and vulnerable. I revelled in the praise I received from people telling me what a wonderful friend, daughter, sister, partner and mother I was. Whilst my shoulders broadened from the compliments, they were equally weighted down by the heavy burden of responsibility from playing this full time role of giving and serving.

Deep down, behind the scenes, this facade was killing me. It wasn’t Caroline the adult soaking up the compliments, it was Caroline the 5 year old - the abandoned child who was looking for someone to fill the void from her past. She was looking forward a mother and father figure to love, care for and reassure her, to provide a place of safety and security. She was giving to the world what she needed in return - but the world failed to reciprocate her needs.

For years I had a purpose, and that was to rescue and fix every person, friendship, or relationship that came into my life (for a reason). I had no idea how this kind hearted, giving, loving soul could spend half of her life depleted, lost, used, abused and discarded.

It is in connecting to my lost inner child that I now see how often I used, abused, depleted, devalued and discarded my truth and my intuition. I wasn’t treating myself with the care, kindness and love that I deserved, so how could I expect others to? It is only now as I begin to re parent myself that I can rest in the knowledge that energetically I won’t attract (like a beacon) mistrustful, greedy, egocentric, needy, selfish souls. My energetic field is radiating differently. I ripped off the band aid to these early wounds and made a pact to heal.

If we can use these depleting, soulless relationships as a learning curve to understandings ourselves more deeply, then we can choose a different life filled with like minded, trusting, caring people.

Let us lift one another. Let us rise up to a new level of healing and growth. Let us share, connect, listen to and understand everyone who is at their own stage of growth and awakening. It is not my place to judge or advise. It is only through my own individual stories of empowerment that I can be a shining light to others.

We are here, we are listening and we are united in our empathy, compassion and awareness. When it is time - we stand by you