Suffering

• How often do we allow ourselves to be consumed by other people’s thoughts?
• How often do we repeat the headlines, rather than finding out whether the story is fake news or not?
• How often do we let other people set our expectations instead of setting our own?
• How often do we measure our worth by the amount of love and validation we receive externally, instead of how much we love and validate ourselves?

Mental suffering is a choice.

Here are some ways in which suffering manifests:

Comparison Do you live in lack because you compare yourself to others? The truth is, we rarely, if ever, know the full story of another person’s life. Misery appears when you think people have more than you, greater, better, fuller lives. But remember, you are viewing a lot of these people precariously through social media. It is not what it seems. I am proof of that.

Catastrophizing

When you have been subjected to childhood trauma, it is easy to catastrophise events. This is another type of “distorted thinking”. Your mind jumps to the worst case scenario, consumed by negative beliefs about a person or situation.

Glass Half Empty mentality

This is another way we choose to live in lack. Our minds like to find all the ways in which we’re being cheated, missing out, not deserving, failing or not getting what we want. Victimhood is an easy trap to fall into.

Being hard on yourself

The slavedriver is the mind’s way of pushing us to accomplish things, tricking us into thinking that without being controlling or rigid or over-disciplined, we simply won’t get anything done. When we get stuck in slavedriver mode, everything feels hard and heavy. Perfectionism is intertwined in this controlling way of thinking and it’s usually related to a need for validation and praise.

Attaching to outcomes The mind creates suffering and completely disempowers us by resting our sense of happiness or wellbeing on external factors. We hope for a certain reaction from someone or anticipate an event going a certain way. We want a specific job title, degree or salary. We believe that “if only” x, y or z happens then I’ll be happy. In this mindset we are constantly searching, needing, craving.

Buddhist psychologist Tara Brach refers to this as “if only” mind, and in this sense, the mind tells us that happiness comes from variables outside of our control. This is a disempowering mindset.

Grasping at Pleasure and resisting pain The mind prefers pleasure and avoids pain. It clings to gain and hates loss. It seeks approval, but doesn’t want blame. In this case the mind is like a small child - all instant gratification. The mind believes that happiness and “positive things” feel good, and that if something feels painful or distressing, it’s “bad or wrong”.

Freeing up your mind is a choice. Behind all of that clutter is the to freedom. Once you make a decision to create change, then you have taken the first step to being consciously aware of your thoughts.

Other ways in which we can help to slow down the mind is:- Meditation Journaling Yoga Immersing yourself in nature Listening to music Take time to connect to the essence of who you are